Wow. I actually got some sleep last night. Too bad I am sick. I didn’t have very many disturbances. I got up once because my throat was so damn sore like I swallowed a pill that I couldn’t get to go down. Other than that, I slept pretty well. I am sick with a cold I caught from my youngest son. Ahhh yes. School is back in session. I love getting those creepy love bugs aka germs. Back to taking my elderberry and zinc on a daily basis. Summer is over. Not that we had much of a summer anyway. Back to my original thought.
I was a little upset that I forgot about this day. This was the day of my dad’s passing. After waking up, I knew I was missing something and then it hit me. I can never forget this day. It was one of, if not the hardest day of my life to get through. Watching my father take his last breath was incredibly hard, especially seeing in the state he was in. I believe he suffered for way too long and that deeply affects me still to this day. My dad was my guide, my protection, my everything. I have had many memories with my dad. As I am writing this I tear up and will probably cry a lot, but that’s okay. You can’t see me and it will be my own healing. My dad was me and my family’s comfort; he was the glue that kept us together. I feel that I am now the one to be that glue for my family and it does really weigh on me. I always feel like I can never do enough. This is not to make my family upset, but for some reason, I put the task at keeping us altogether in my hands. Now I am going off track. I obviously am struggling with some things, but I don’t want to go off topic.
This day is to recognize my dad for everything he was. He did come off like the old, grumpy, mean man. Sometimes he was. I loved when he wore his hat. It was the same type of hat that Freddy Krueger would wear, so no wonder why he is my favorite horror character. I always thought he could have played the role so well. Although, the killing of kids nowhere resembled who he was. Although at times, I am sure he wanted to bite a kid’s head off for running around ruining his yard. I now know that he too struggled a lot. I not only struggle with depression and anxiety, but he did as well.
You’re probably wondering why I am even writing about this as it has nothing to do with the paranormal. I assure you that my life is one big paranormal story. My gifts come from my father as well as my mother. My father is of mostly French descent and my mother is Korean. I am starting to reminisce on memories with my father. I had a great childhood. Don’t get me wrong. There were hard times. My parents always tried to make fun, great memories. We have many photos to remind us. My dad had a love for camping and traveling. I miss those times very much. A lot of times it was just me and him. We visited some cool places. He took me to places like the area close to Area 51 and the David Koresh ground area. The David Koresh almost doesn’t sound right though. I could be thinking of another cult leader, but not sure. I know it was a cult leader that had his followers behind him and a lot ended up dying there. Maybe that is where my fascination with serial killers and crazies come from. That’s another topic I could write about. Sorry. I’m going off topic here. I have had many memories with my father. The memories of us at our property at Hood Canal holds a lot of great memories. My love of seafood started there. Being able to go and just pick up oysters and dig for clams and gooey ducks was awesome. Luckily, I had cousins and my father and uncles to do most of the hard work for that. My mother would cook it up and I would eat it. Mmmmmmm. Those memories will forever be cherished with my father and family. There are many more, but I can’t write a book. I will someday. I have other passions that will be brought up. Maybe not here because I am once again going off topic. I tell you. My mind has its own mind that can take control of my wandering thoughts. I thought maybe it would be difficult to write every day, but I am not thinking so much now. Okay on to my point in this blog. My father’s gifts were not figured out until I looked into things deeper when I had my own experiences. I remember that my dad predicted every one of his grandkids birthday’s. At the time, that was 3 grandchildren of his. They were all born on the 5th. The girls were born on the same day and just a year apart. I believe it does have to do something with the fact that my father’s family had 5 boys and 5 girls in their immediate family. I try to dig deeper all the time with research and just my own intuition. I think our gifts come a long way through our ancestors. My father’s family had built a park where they became friends with the Native Americans and came to the park to gather. I always wondered why my father had so many Native American pictures and items to decorate our house or his trailers. Then I thought about my uncle who is an archaeologist that digs up Native American artifacts. I had some cool arrowheads and pottery that I have no idea where they went and makes me upset to this day. I get these epiphanies about certain memories or certain spirits or precognitions that I get and usually am never out of my head. I wonder if that is why this Native American woman came to me. Some days I don’t know how I can function with my own family. Some of those precognitions are still in my head waiting for an answer. I wonder if my father got all those answers to his. He suffered through many things. He endured and saw a lot in his life. He is my hero. I don’t see him, but someone I am close to does to tell me he visited. I am not sure why I don’t. Maybe he doesn’t want to make me sad. But at least I know he is here with us at times. I did have one very vivid dream when I awakened for the first time. I crossed a river with blades of grass through it. My youngest son was with me and we walked across to the other side where my father was. I laid down next to my son in the grass and woke up crying so hard. I knew that was his sign. That he was here with us and will meet us again someday and that he was with me when my son was born. I believe when I died the three times after my son was born that maybe I did talk to him amongst other people. I miss him very much, but I know he is watching over us and that gives me a sense of comfort every day.
I have had some pretty vivid images of the Lord as well. I won’t go into detail at this time. I believe I am here for some purpose and don’t know quite what it is yet. I am finding myself. It took me a long time to get the courage to write about it. I will give you my utmost honesty here. I do wish to get people to come out with their struggles and their gifts. I know there is a lot out there. We are the lightworkers of the world. There’s no need to hide. Put it out there. I promise that you will make a difference. Even if it is one person to help and change their life for the better, it comes back to make a difference in the world we live in. The more light and more love we bring to this world, the better it will be. I am off for now as I am drained by this cold. Feel free to message me. I am hoping I start to get some people to acknowledge my blogs. You can always personally email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. God bless. Light and love to all.