It has taken me many years to come to this point. For the longest time, I thought that I was normal. Ha! I am pretty normal if you consider that I look like a human and live like one. Although, some people might debate me on the living part when I tell them things that I have seen, heard, and felt. God has given me some great gifts. Gifts, you might ask. It’s not the ones that are presented in pretty paper and bows on top. The ones that I know are for a greater purpose, but quite haven’t figured it all out yet. I didn’t realize until my adult years what abilities I had. The ability to see the dead is not quite as it seems. I am not like Melinda Gordon from The Ghost Whisperer. I can’t communicate with them. As of yet. Maybe someday or maybe never. I do often wonder if I ever will. There was one time one man tried to talk to me in a dream or vision. All I was allowed to see was his mouth moving. I was kind of excited, but then I got frustrated that I couldn’t hear or make out what he was saying or trying to tell me. Was it a message that I needed to know? Ugh. That is just one experience that frustrated me because I saw that it was saying something and couldn’t get my clairaudience to work. But life goes on to even more frustrating supernatural experiences.
My life has been very confusing, very interesting, very stressful and very scary at times, I do say. But as time has gone by, I have learned a lot about myself and my family. I did some heavy soul searching and thought about things that have happened in my life. I knew these gifts were formed from somewhere. I never understood things until I looked back at my past. I remember my dad was such a mystery to me. I never understood the things that may have been haunting him inside. I wondered if he saw the dead like me too. I will never know now. He passed away 15 years ago. I knew his time in the military, he had witnessed some horrific things, but what else has he seen, heard, felt, smelled, and known. More into that later. I say all those things because I have a little of all of those. I still don’t know how to fully use them. I just put them aside at times or tell the person I am closest to what I am experiencing or I just leave it to myself to handle or not handle. Those are the frustrating times; I will come upon those in later blogs. At times, I feel like those so-called gifts (I believe they are, but not everyone would take it as that) leave me be, until it strikes like thunder and lightning all over again. The times that I feel that they are gone, I get in a depressed state and ask myself, what am I or these gifts good for. I get horrible anxiety at times and have very many sleepless nights. Sometimes the dead wake me to then frustrate me once again. It’s like a cycle. When I don’t experience things, I have heard that you are downloading all the information you need to get more information. What is that information for though? What I do get, I usually don’t understand. I sometimes doubt my intuitive side. I am not always right. When I don’t experience things, I start to miss them; (spirits, ghosts, entities, IN human's) these gifts of mine. I know now that they never completely leave.
I remember before my dad passed that he started to buy things like crazy. I mean like new cars, a motorhome, computer, etc. I thought he was just wanting to buy stuff. Then I realized later (I just knew) that he was doing it because he knew he didn’t have much time left. But has he really left? Is there life after death? These are questions people have in the paranormal. That is why I started a team with my fiancé. We wanted to find answers to these questions and help people that had no other resources to which were experiencing paranormal phenomena. Welcome to my first blog and to NWPOR. I really can’t tell you everything in one blog, so there will be more to come. If you want to know more about me, my family, my life, and our awesome team, please come back. This team which I call my soul family, has helped to not see myself as a crazy person. I love each and every one of them and thank them for being a part of my life. They truly are the most unique and gifted people I know. Thank you from my heart and soul for loving me for who I am and being here for us as a whole. If anyone would like to share their stories or ask anything, feel free to comment. I would love to hear from you.